Darrin Stephens - “Sam, I insist you make dinner the same way everyone else makes it... without witchcraft!” Is it any wonder that Darrin tops our list? Here he was, married to Samantha, a fine looking witch who, with one wiggle of her nose, could, in one minute, have the both of them rolling in the sand on a Tahitian beach, grinding like organ monkeys, or dining at a romantic café in Paris. But nooooo, Darrin forbade her to use her powers! For a guy who seemingly had it made, Darrin was a nervous wreck. I'm guessing all of the Barry White records and Viagra in the world couldn’t help him “fix his bayonet” after a poorly timed, surprise visit from Endora, his mother-in-law. And if he also forbade Samantha to use her powers in the bedroom, then he really is a pussy.

Clark Kent - Yeah, I know he’s Superman, the most powerful man in the universe. But does he have to become Woody Allen, in order to have a private life? You know how we all tend to get a little crazier on vacation than we normally would at home? I say, Clark Kent could go on vacation and use his super powers, making like a rat up a drainpipe, banging beaver from Madrid to Mongolia. Then he could still do his mild-mannered thing upon returning home. But does he? Nope, and that’s why he makes our list as, not only a pussy, but as a super pussy... with bad specs.

Tarzan - If you lived in the jungle among the animals, would you wear any clothing at all? Then what’s up with Tarzan's loincloth? Did Jane make a crack about his monkey tamer while he was in the cold water? And, if Tarzan is such a badass, why does he yell for help from the elephants and tigers when he wants to go kick someone’s ass? For depending on others to do his ass whipping for him, and for wearing his jimmies when he could go commando, Tarzan, the Ape Man... Lord Of The Jungle... is a pussy. Ungowa.

Michael Buble - My introduction to Buble was his minor hit, “Home.” I thought, okay, not bad. Nice tune. But the more I listened, the more I heard a Sinatra wannabe; a Sinatra-lite, if you will. Then, I heard my sister raving about him... she hates Sinatra but loves Michael Buble. How can this be? Is the child the father to the man? Then I read that he won the Canadian Youth Talent Search at 17; after telling the judges he was bisexual and if they didn't give him first prize, he would sue. Now, THAT’S the kind of juice Wasted Wits thrives on! And it’s also pussy. Factor in that he also looks like a big pussy, and he makes our list with ease.

Romeo - "Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thy testicles, Romeo?" Is there ANYONE more pussy than Romeo? I mean come on! Killing yourself over a chick? Hey, it hurts, sure, but it's no reason to go get yourself fitted with a Mafia necktie! Not to mention the fact that Juliet was jailbait anyway. And, it's a sure bet that it wouldn't have been long before Juliet dumped Romeo for an older guy with a nicer horse. Despite the Shakespearean passion prose, Juliet was no different than chicks of today; looking for "thy biggereth and bettereth, dealeth."

Two of the three “Friends” guys - Anyone who can eat his weight in pizza and seemingly nail a chick just with, "How you doin'?" will never make the List Of Shame, so Joey is safe here. But the other two, Chandler Bing and Ross Geller... they're both pussies and I have no doubt they wouldn't raise a finger if anyone called them that. Chandler, with his IMAX screen-sized forehead, is probably a fun guy, but is a bit too dainty to escape the "pussy" tag. Ross, the "needy" one, and, physically, the biggest of the three friends, should be roaming the earth, waging death and destruction, like the prehistoric lizards he’s so fond of. But, he can't leave the house right now, cause Rachel might call. I may be a pussy just for watching Friends.

Boyz To Men - Sure they have enough vocal talent to fill the Taj Mahal, but 99% of their lyrics consist of unadulterated begging. Combine that with their tendency to dress like fifth graders on the first day of school, and there can be no doubt that they are truly Boyz to Men... to pussies. Hell, I like their music too! But, their fame and fortune didn’t last very long did it? Anyone seen them on TV lately? You ladies had better decide what you want. Would you rather see a color-coordinated group of whining, crying, begging soul singers? Or would you like to see Nathan, Shawn, Michael and Wanya kick a man’s ass? It’s your call.

Jerry Seinfeld - For a guy with a face like Secretariat, Jerry sure dated fine-looking women, even if he ultimately kicked them off the Seinfeld merry-go-round for infractions like using a toothbrush that had fallen into the toilet, or not trying a bite of his pie. He also seemed to be a great “buddy” type of guy and was the nucleus of the four main characters. So where's the problem? Jerry became a pussy in my eyes when he and Kramer declined to kick the ass of those two, "street toughs," who were taking Elaine’s armoire. And the way he let Mr. Pitt’s doorman torment him was unforgivable. Jerry should have tore into him like Aretha Franklin into a buffet table.

Ryan Seacrest - The “Dick Clark of our generation.” Yeah, right. There’s something undeniably pussy about this guy. Could it be the well-manicured, Miami Vice facial stubble? Could it be that, five seasons into American Idol, he hasn’t been caught even ONCE, doing the “horizontal hula” with a contestant? How is that possible? Could it be that horrific sign-off phrase -- Seacrest... out! -- that he tried to shove down our throats? Rumors are rampant about his sexuality, but it’s all too apparent that a big night for Seacrest is probably spent “polishing the idol”... and watching his own reruns.

Kenny G - I know we said we wouldn’t do Kenny G but dammit, we couldn’t help it! There are many problems with Kenny G. First of all, a grown man calling himself “Kenny” is, in itself, pussy.  And the pretentious, new age, letter-for-a-last-name is almost beyond revilement. Pull him out from behind that mountain of dead Presidents he’s earned over the years and you’ll find a band geek having a terminally bad hair day. Oh, you’ll hear women say his music is sexy, but I beg to differ. As a matter of fact, that 4-hour erection that Viagra likes to warn us about will turn into cream cheese by the end of the first track of any Kenny G CD. Men, consider yourselves warned.