A Few Waste To Leave Your Lovers
For you yellow cowards who don’t have the cajones to go right up to your woman and say “I want out”… here are some suggestions for doing it the girlie-man way. Paul Simon’s got nothing on us.
Go attend your kids’ little league game and, afterwards, by the time the little nippers are sipping their fruit juices, you're on a plane to Mexico. (This one is not recommended for devoted fathers.)
Have her mother tell her at the baby shower.
Initiate sex wearing a freshly used condom and say “Oops! Forgot that was there!”
Let the new owners tell her that you've sold the house.
Hide in the trashcan at the street, wait for the garbage man, and then later… walk away from the dump.
Have a brown envelope mailed to the house with “HIV Test Results”.
Tell her you've decided to learn the banjo.
Tell her you've joined a circus freak show billing yourself as "The Extremely Unhappy Middle-Aged Man."
Ask her to join you in a Hemlock toast.
One word… "chum".
Ask her to help you demonstrate your new wood chipper.
Ask her to work out with you to O.J. Simpson's new exercise video to strengthen the stabbing muscles.
Introduce Scott Peterson as your ”new trainer”.
Get her the complete “Newlyweds” series with Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey, and while she’s engrossed in the zany fun, you just walk right out that door into your new life.
Cheap stationary… hey, it worked for George Costanza.
Ask her if you can delay your wedding anniversary celebration since you may have a date that night.