The unemployment rate will continue to climb in double digits... most of that attributed to the Dugger family.

Through an intricate series of legal maneuvers, Charles Manson is allowed to participate in the next American Idol. Sadly, filming comes to an abrupt halt when Manson kills new judge, Ellen Degeneres, after she advises him to try singing without the crazed look in his eyes.

Hot, young chicks out there will realize that only a man with vast life experience can bring a woman’s passion to full flower.

Bravo will have an unlikely number one hit show on their hands when they round up Tiger Woods’ mistresses and feature them in a competition called, “Dancing With The Whores.”

Jocelyn Wildenstein will have another round of plastic surgery, and then sell her image to Mattel as a Halloween mask.

Angelina Jolie, acting upon poor advice from her manager, has her eyes removed and replaced with those amazing Jolie lips. Brad Pitt then dumps her for being blind.

We’ve been wrong before but Mitch Miller is now the Celebrity Most Likely To Die in 2010. If you even know who he is, you might also die in 2010.

Animal Planet will air a new series called The Roach Whisperer, featuring a legendary pest-control expert who convinces the nasty invaders to leave the house voluntarily.

Popular Food Network cook, Paula Deen, will be forced to take a medical leave of absence from her show after doctors find pure butter in her stool.

Al Gore will take some time out of his busy schedule to stand on display at Madame Tussaud’s House of Wax.

Sex And The City II will be released and the advance word is that this one will feature the girls sitting around drinking Cosmopolitans and whining about their lives!

Keith Richards will continue to crumble.

Sarah Palin incites fevered reactions among “real” Americans when she releases a book explaining, in detail, that a black man is now sitting in the oval office.

David T. finds love again with a girl who displays no bias whatsoever against bitter, middle-aged men who are deficient in the leg department. Unfortunately, she never, EVER shuts her mouth and one lonely night, in a fit of post-coital rage, David is forced to deflate her.

Eric, in the midst of a madcap Saturday night repairing computers, gets the craziest idea of his life. After gathering spare parts from around the shop and then plying his unmatched skills with a soldering iron, Eric creates “Pixeleen.” Unfortunately, there will soon be an accident that leaves him urinating into a plastic bag attached to his abdominal wall... forever.

Wasted Wits will begin to incorporate original audio files in their comedic pursuits, making the site even more valuable. Their company bank account will, however, remain at zero.