Mel Gibson - Mel heads our list just by the fact that he gets his ass whupped in almost every movie he makes. Braveheart… whupped. The Patriot… whupped. Payback… whupped. Lethal Weapons One thru Four… whupped One thru Four. I’m surprised he didn’t leave the director’s chair during The Passion Of The Christ, to climb up on that rugged cross and show James Caviezel what an old fashioned biblical ass whupping was REALLY like. The rumor on Lethal Weapon 5 is that Mel will have no dialogue at all. He’ll just get his ass whupped for two solid hours. Pass the popcorn.

Burt Reynolds - Back in the day, nobody was cooler than Burt Reynolds. Guys wanted to be like him and chicks wanted to be with him. He was a guy’s guy. Cocky. Funny. He could handle himself in a fight too. I always figured, when he got older, Burt would show us all how to do it gracefully. Wrong. For the bad rug, the bad plastic surgery, and his penchant for those Southern-bred bleached blondes… Burt needs his ass kicked. Not by me of course. Burt can probably still fight.

Justin Timberlake - He kinda has the same dance moves as Michael Jackson. He has kinda the same yelps and whoops as Michael Jackson. He even kinda has the same skin tone as Michael Jackson. He kinda needs his ass kicked. Hats off to him though for his role in Nipplegate and for nailing Britney Spears and Cameron Diaz in the same lifetime. Actually it just makes me want to kick his ass even more.

Hugh Grant - After making a career in chick flicks as a lightweight, cutesy, helpless character with silly hair, Hugh needs a serious ass kickin’. And I’d bet most guys feel like they could do it too (I doubt if many of us REALLY think we could kick Mel Gibson’s ass). He’s famous with the chicks though because he’s non-threatening. Honestly, I think most women like him cause they feel, if they needed to, they could kick his ass too.

Kenny Loggins - This pains me because I’m a major Kenny Loggins fan. But in recent years, he’s gotten too preachy, trying to advise us on our marriages and relationships, and espousing the virtues of high-colonics and such. Who is he to give us advice? It’s all a crapshoot anyway! We’ve all witnessed the feminization of Kenny Loggins and it’s been a sad sight indeed. And now, his wife has given him his walking papers. Ouch. I really feel for him. I would say he needs an ass whippin’, but I think he’s already gotten it.

Robert Conrad - Too old to remain a threat, we'd still like to heave a battery at Jim West.  Conrad defined the original chip-on-the-shoulder double-dog-dare-you bully and no knife-equipped pansy boot will protect him from the throngs of challengers that would love to whup the ass of this long-term sufferer of short-man's disease.

Val Kilmer - After his amazing portrayal of Doc Holiday in “Tombstone,” I figured Val was gonna be THE MAN. He stole that movie! Now, though it pains me to say it, for the sorry bunch of films he’s made since, he needs his ass kicked. For good measure, throw in his agent and we’ll make it a good old-fashioned country ass whuppin’.

Brad Pitt - He was the guy in High School---the pretty boy/jock---that all the chicks went for. He was also the kind that was just begging for a schoolyard ass-whippin'. How dare he play football AND help decorate the gym for Prom! No one dared to take him on, of course, since he was really more of a jock than a pretty boy. But is he the Robert Redford of his generation? Why, he couldn't carry the jock strap Redford wore in The Natural-not to mention the one Rosie O'Donnell wore in that baseball movie. For giving the hook to someone as fine as Jennifer Aniston, and for looking like a goober in that crappy Trojan War movie… we promise pure Ass-Whup in Brad Pitt's future; Angelina Jolie has been seen wearing a Leo DiCaprio blood pendant around her neck.