While thumbing through some old issues of Rolling Stone the other day, we came across “The 100 Greatest Guitarists Of All Time.” We love lists. We realize they’re meant to inspire debate and controversy, and that’s all well and good. But for Rolling Stone, that venerable beacon of rock journalism, to put out such a list… well, it HAS to be good, right? Wrong. At first glance, we noticed that Jack White, of the White Stripes, was at #17 — higher than George Harrison. Higher than Frank Zappa. Higher than John McLaughlin, for God’s Sakes! If Jack White were THAT great, would they need to tell us the name of his band? You don’t see them listing, “George Harrison of The Beatles,” do you? We knew then and there, that we had to set the record straight, so we proudly present to you:

The 5 Most Over-Rated Of The 100 Greatest Guitarists Of All Time

	Kurt Cobain of Nirvana - Kurt was a great songwriter, a sometimes inspiring vocalist, and one of rock’s great tragic figures, but he does NOT deserve the #12 slot. Not 3 spaces higher than Carlos Santana. Puh-leeease. Kurt’s guitar playing merely served his songwriting much in the way that Neil Young’s does—and Neil weighed in at only #83 on the list. If nothing else, Kurt owes us until the end of time, for subjecting the world to his wife, Courtney Love.
	Jack White of The White Stripes - This major league turd-polisher has become the critics’ darling, but I think they’re mostly impressed by the fact that a young guy like him actually knows a few classic guitar licks. His refusal to hire a bass player really pisses me off. He takes the #17 spot on the list, 53 places ahead of #70, Eddie Van Halen. Nice job, Rolling Stone.
	Bo Diddley - Ahh, at last, a name that needs no explanation! And a cool name it is. Bo Diddley is famous for one thing, and one thing only -- the “Bo Diddley” beat. You’ve heard it on countless records -- duh-duh-duhhhh-duh-duh-da-da -- and Bo is STILL waiting for his royalty checks. Does Bo deserve his #37 ranking just for coming up with a cool rhythm? Ask Chuck Berry, ranked at #6.
	Johnny Ramone of The Ramones - Okay, Johnny was an aggressive power-chord strummer with a bad Beatle haircut. Yet, he ranks at #16 -- a full 34 spaces above the guy who wrote the book on power chording, Pete Townshend! You’d have to be deaf, dumb, and blind (there you go, Pete!) to make a mistake like that! Nobody wants to admit they don’t like The Ramones. It’s just not a cool thing to say. It’s sort of like admitting you hate Springsteen. Anyway, how cool can The Ramones be when the main guy looks like Howard Stern?
	John Frusciante of the Red Hot Chili Peppers - John has a valuable role as a Chili Pepper: He makes sure the other three ADD-afflicted members of the band take their medications. I’ve also heard that, sometimes in the middle of a song, Flea will have him run to the store for beef jerky. While we’ll admit that he often comes up with tasty little guitar parts, they just aren’t tasty enough to warrant a #18 spot.

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