The other day, we overheard someone complaining about the current sorry state of the Top-40, and it gave us pause; sure there’s a lot of crappy music out there, but was popular music really THAT much better in the “good old days?” After doing our usual thorough research, we decided, by God, to let you, our beloved readers be the judges. In this opening salvo, we will start from 40 years ago, with the number ones from 1967. We will dissect each year, from The Beatles to Beyonce until we land at the current year, whenever that is. Our mission will be to examine a number one hit song from each month of that year, as well as the artist behind it. Was the Top-40 really better in years past? Let’s take a look, as Wasted Wits revisits twelve of the:

NUMBER ONE HITS OF 1967

1. (January, 1967) "I’m A Believer" by The Monkees- Dammit, we will smite anyone who says that The Monkees were the Milli Vanilli of their day! Okay, maybe they were. Although, they were hired as eye candy for a TV show, you have to give them their props for bringing Jimi Hendrix as their warm-up act. Can you imagine the little girls’ faces after Hendrix finished his set? Today, it would almost classify as child abuse. Today, you can listen to Snoop Dog rap about “bitches and hoes,” but in 1967, Micky Dolenz gently sang, “I thought love was only true in fairy tales”? Though Micky sounded a bit wimpy, I’ll bet The Monkees got laid at least as much as Snoop Dog, and they didn’t have to fool with condoms; not that Snoop does, either. Sure, "I’m A Believer" wasn’t a bad little song. Unfortunately, the success of the tune kept songwriter, Neil Diamond, alive long enough to later produce “Cracklin’ Rosie” and “Cherry, Cherry”. That’s almost unforgivable.
2. (February, 1967) "Kind Of A Drag" by The Buckinghams- Quick, name another song by The Buckinghams! That’s what we thought! Who was the only American band in 1967, to sell more records than these guys? That’s right, The Monkees. What a world. Those Buckingham bastards were a tough lot. In this song, the chick cheats on the guy but he doesn’t go off to whine on Dr. Joyce Brothers’ shoulder (she was Dr. Phil when Dr. Phil was popping teenage acne onto a bullseye drawn on the bathroom mirror.) No, the guy says it’s “kind of a goddamn drag,” as he moves on to the next broad! Musically, The Buckinghams were as lily-white as they come, and this drivel ruled the charts for two weeks... we were there, and believe me, it WAS kind of a drag.
3. (March, 1967) "Penny Lane" by The Beatles- Beyonce, kiss our asses! While you’re at it, save an ass cheek for Gwen Stefani, too! Come on, does Pop Music get any better than Penny Lane? Paul McCartney’s bass line was so sweet, it made our feet stink. The Beatles showed everyone the way to heaven but did anyone listen? Hell no! In a world where we need Viagra to get it up and Prozac to be happy about it, we now have Nelly Furtado featuring Timbaland, blasting out of the car speakers. Just keep all sharp objects away from me.
4. (April, 1967) "Somethin’ Stupid" by Nancy and Frank Sinatra- This aptly-named turd of a song proved that nepotism was alive and well in 1967 as the Chairman Of The Board and daughter mumbled their way to a number one hit. Believe it or not, it was Sinatra’s first gold single! Admittedly, Nancy Sinatra was sort of hot back then, in a platinum-haired, go-go boot, next-door neighbor kind of way, but her singing voice could instantly turn a man’s package into soggy bread. The only explanation for Somethin’ Stupid’s success, especially coming in on the heels of a great song like Penny Lane, is that Frank must have made someone an offer they couldn’t refuse... after throwing them through a plate-glass window.
5. (May, 1967) "Groovin’" by The Young Rascals- Hey, you mean Alfalfa, Buckwheat and the gang had a hit song?!? No, dammit, not The Little Rascals! The YOUNG Rascals! These guys were pretty soulful for white boys, even if you couldn’t understand the lyrics. When you consider they were a bunch of Italians from New Jersey, hell, it’s no wonder their records sent us scrambling for the lyric sheet.
6. (June, 1967) "Respect" by Aretha Franklin- Hey, the old days are looking better and better with this classic from the Queen Of Soul. Never before has there been a better example of air-sax than this song's solo break! Back in the day, Aretha ruled the Earth until she unfortunately discovered buffet tables and fried chicken. Nobody’s ever sang any better than her though and, even today, Celine Dion, Mariah Carey, and Whitney Houston together, couldn’t carry Aretha’s underwear. And we mean that literally.
7. (July, 1967) "Light My Fire" by The Doors- Another classic hit!!! Are we making this up? Could it be that 1967 was really THIS great for the Top-40? In the Summer Of Love, parents all over America were locking their teenage daughters in their rooms when Jim Morrison came to town. He was dangerous. He was crazy. He was horny. He was The Lizard King. And, as he displayed his reptilian charm on stages all over America, rumor has it that, on at least one occasion, in a frenzied encore, he actually lit his genitals on fire. That had to hurt.
8. (August, 1967) "All You Need Is Love" by The Beatles- By God, we think it’s pretty obvious by now, that 1967 was a special year. Love, love, love. How would that message read today? Maybe, “money, money, money?” Yes, the times have changed, but in 1967, this song blasted out of our car speakers and bathed us with the sweet scent of brotherhood. Was "All You Need Is Love" merely a pathetically simple-minded platitude that only idealistic morons would take to heart? Well, we’ll rip the guts out of anyone who dares to suggest it.
9. (September, 1967) "Ode To Billie Joe" by Bobbie Gentry- Do you think a swampy tune about a suicide, sung by a southern woman with a tall beehive hairdo would sell in today’s market? Well, in 1967, Bobbie Gentry had a huge hit with "Ode To Billie Bob... eh, Bobby Joe... eh, Billie Joe... whatever. It set off a firestorm of interest. But, what the hell was the song about? What did Billie Joe throw off the bridge? Set in the Deep South, we’ll bet it had something to do with bottles of Yoo-Hoo. David ran into Bobbie Gentry in a Central Florida club back in 1978 and meant to ask her, but the beehive distracted him.
10. (October, 1967) "The Letter" by The Box Tops- "The Letter" was one of the tunes that teenage bad-asses (at least we thought we were bad-asses) like us and our buddies, sang as we walked around all puffed up looking for trouble and hoping we didn’t find it. Back in the day, there was several songs that had famous opening lines that EVERYone knew and this was one of them: “Gimme a ticket for an aeroplane.” And, it was so cool that we didn’t even question the “Aero-plane” part. “Jeremiah was a bullfrog,” was another cool opening line that went unquestioned. Sure, The Box Tops sounded cool and tough on "The Letter" but, surprisingly, they looked like a bunch of pussies. Go figure.
11. (November, 1967) "To Sir With Love" by Lulu- This is a nice ballad sung very nicely by... Lulu? We swear to God, we hate these one-name artists. Cher, Seal, Tiffany, Beck, Jewel... am we making our point here? Don’t you think it’s a bit presumptuous for an artist to go by one name? Lulu sold a ton of records with this tune, but would she have sold one less if she’d used her real name, Marie McDonald McLaughlin Lawrie? Okay... well... maybe “Lulu” isn’t so bad. And we’d appreciate you getting out of our faces about it.
12. (December, 1967) "Daydream Believer" by The Monkees- How about that? 1967’s Top-40 ended the way it started; with a damn Monkees record. And if you think you were hip for buying it, think again; one of The Kingston Trio wrote this son of a gun. Seriously though, it IS a catchy tune even though that little pop fart, Davy Jones, sings it. Have you seen him lately? We hate to tell you, but his face looks like a melted candle. Yes, teen-idols have a short shelf life. Just ask Bobby Sherman and David Cassidy. Hey, we could’ve tolerated Davy Jones if he hadn’t always been shaking not one... but TWO tambourines! We can only thank the stars that nobody handed him a friggin' banjo.

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