In retrospect, it was foolish to not know that
it was Labor Day weekend, known locally in Reno as the Burning Man
Festival and the National Rib Cookoff. We'd planned the trip
nearly 9 months ago to visit with our son who we hadn't seen in
two years.
This was our first post-9/11 flight so we had
prepared in advance... by learning where the local liquor stores
were since we couldn't pack any with us. We also researched our
favorite weakness, hot donuts from Krispy Kreme... yes, they had
one in Reno.
At the airport, you'd figure that with
requiring us to remove our shoes, put them in a basket, and then
walk, shoeless, through the metal detector, we'd at least have a
row of chairs to sit down on and re-shoe ourselves. No chance, not
at any of the airports.
I had a few expectations of Reno before
departing. Going with the rumors, reports and movies from the last
40+ years: I expected that the city would be 24/7; that we'd get
free or super-cheap prawns; that the levers on one-armed bandits
would actually spin the reels instead of just serving as a switch
to start the electric or, even worse, video reels spinning; that
slot machines still paid out with a loud clatter of coins falling
into the payout shoot; and that there'd be girlie floor shows. Let
me say this, you and I both lost out years ago on whatever dreams
these expectations inspired.
Thursday
With a show of inspiration, we decided to
bug-bomb the house over the 3-day escape so that the fumes had
plenty of time to infuse and do the job. Unfortunately, as soon as
we'd sealed the house with all nine bombs blazing, we realized
we'd left one of our cell phones inside. Too late to turn back
now.
We departed Ft. Myers for Denver, our stopover
before Reno. Long-term parking had expanded exponentially in Fort
Myers, rivaling Miami in size, and requiring complex shuttle
services to get us to the terminal. Lord help you if you lose your
parking slip during your travels because the chance of locating
your car again without it is slim.
Denver was non-descript and we continued on to
Reno arriving at about 12:30am local time, or 3:30am our time. We
were beat. We checked out our car rental from Hertz and found our
first pleasant surprise: no charge to add a second driver if it's
a spouse. We opted for the full insurance coverage figuring it was
our first gambling opportunity of the trip. Boy, did that pay off!
We headed straight to the local liquor store we
had researched, "Booze Brothers", chosen strictly for its cool
name. Unfortunately, it and all others were closed, which blew the
first of our expectations, that the city wasn't 24/7.
We met our son at the Atlantis Casino where we
were staying. After circling the entrance twice and not finding a
logical spot to park for the check-in procedure, I landed at the
front entrance. Before I could get to the front doors, I was
intercepted by one of the valets who "demanded" my keys, "in case
they had to move the car". I knew I was being taken and mentioned,
as I dropped the keys into his hand, "... and so it begins". I
figure that since we'd seen numerous empty parking spots in our
two-circle entrance tour that were reserved for "Diamond" and
"Platinum" player members only, that what the valet actually meant
to say was "in case they had to move my car so that someone with
more money and less brains wanted to park there".
We checked in at the huge front desk while, not
more than 50 feet away, a live band was bothering slot players in
the lobby casino. Between the band and the din of the multiple
slot machines it was too loud to hear the tuxedoed check-in
clerks.
The Casino might have been glitzy, but the room
we stayed in was in a detached motor lodge wing that must have
been a left-over from the bad 70's. No electronic door card key,
no microwave oven, no mini-fridge, no coffee maker, no mini-bar,
no chair for the desk, no internet service, not even a point on
the toilet paper roll! We've been in many fleabag dives with more
amenities. And forget about finding a parking spot.
continued in next column...
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We decided on a late meal at the Peppermill Casino Cafe. This
casino reminded me more of a sleazy carnival with neon and
colored flashing lights and mirrors everywhere. After nearly a
3-mile walking tour through their cavernous casino, we found the
restaurant. All-in-all, not bad, with the highlight being, that
from midnight to 6am, the huge good breakfasts were only $5.95.
Cha-ching, my first and only win!
Friday
Even after going to bed at about 5am our
time, we couldn't sleep much past 7am. It was too early to
pester our son, so we headed out with Mapquest map in hand, to
find the Krispy Kreme. It was heaven, the highlight of our trip!
 Great
coffee, a free hot doughnut, an incredible view of the hill
ranges surrounding Reno while sitting in the 63 degree low
humidity shade... it was like outdoor air-conditioning!
We bought a dozen hot ones for our son, then
we all went downtown to the Riverwalk, a feature we had
researched before leaving. Well, I'm starting to lose faith in
how cities boast their "features" as if they were the best thing
in the world to experience. Disney it ain't. I don't know how to
be delicate or politically-correct about this, but Riverwalk
should be renamed Bumwalk. This revitalized downtown section
built on the banks of the Truckee River has become Bum City. We
witnessed at least a dozen "residents", including one that had
just finished his morning bath with a dip in the river.
While walking about in downtown Reno we
discovered that pedestrian laws are decidedly different.
Apparently, anywhere there is a crosswalk indicated across a
street, a pedestrian can step off onto it at any point and all
traffic in both directions must come to a stop allowing them to
pass. Now, in Florida, pedestrians do have the right-of-way,
like everywhere else, but most of our city crosswalks have timed
lights to let you know when and when not to cross. The Reno
"Crosswalks of Daring" took a bit of getting used to, both as a
pedestrian and as a driver.
We returned, mid-morning, to the Booze
Brothers. They are an excellent and well-stocked liquor store
which I highly recommend.
 Unfortunately,
while we were shopping, an air-conditioning service van had
parked next to our rental car and allowed a ladder to slip off
the roof, shattering our rental car's right rear window. After
an hour of trying to get the police to come out and file a
report so we could comply with Hertz's requirements, we were
told at first that we could file over the phone, then we were
told that since it didn't involve a vehicle-to-vehicle accident
that we couldn't even file that way. The police considered it
the same as if a rock had hit the windshield while driving... an
act of God. After relating this to Hertz, they asked me if I got
the name of the police representative who said this... I said
no, but since they brought up the subject, I asked for their
name! After nearly two hours of wasted day, we got the damaged
vehicle swapped for another one at the airport. Well, purchasing
the full-coverage insurance was the only gambling decision in
Reno that paid off... so far!
We spent some time at the casino, both in the
arcade and in the pool. We followed that with a pricey, but good
quality buffet. As usual, at buffets, the goal is to hurt
yourself.
We napped, or rather passed out, afterwards.
Later, we all went out night-seeing, looking
for a vantage point to take a
 shot
of the famed RENO sign that bridges the main drag. After taking
our shot, we turned around on a side street, and saw a, yet
unknown, horde of at least 100 people streaming down a side
street towards us possibly wanting to know "what's in our
wallet"!
Saturday
 Sleeping
in till 6am, we returned to Krispy Kreme to soak in the same
highlighted experience we'd had the previous morning. We dropped
in on our son and printed out our boarding passes for the next
day's flights, then went out to breakfast.
At yet another casino, the Silver Legacy, we
had what was advertised as a champagne buffet. It was large,
which is the best I can comment on. Even though it was 9am local
time, over two-thirds of the items being offered couldn't be
considered "breakfast" items. There was roasted vegetables,
roast beef, hot casseroles, cold salads out the ying-yang, and
only a relatively small section that had traditional breakfast
items. Even counting the fresh and canned fruit bar as
breakfast, (which could be used in any meal) the selections were
few for breakfast. And I didn't realize that both the local
population and much of the tourist population in Reno were
Asian... it must have been, based on the large percentage of
Asians seated in or serving our section of the restaurant.
concluded in next column...
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After breakfast we strolled through the Circus
Circus casino, where I found the only thing in Reno resembling the
clatter of fresh coins spilling into a catch tray for a jackpot...
the bill changer machine. The El Dorado casino, attached to the
Circus Circus and the Silver Legacy, was our next stop. 10am on a
Saturday and there were many a gaming table manned by dealers and
croupiers with nary a player.
Now anything that claims to be the National BBQ
Rib Cookoff sounds like its going to be worthy of our attendance,
right? We headed out to the neighboring town of Sparks, NV, to see
what all the press was about at the BBQ festival over at the
Nugget casino. Well apparently everyone else in the region was
equally curious. Not only had the temperature changed from our
super-pleasant 63 degrees while having donuts and coffee that
morning to a blazing 100+, but the claustrophobic qualities of the
crowd pressed in, making the entire event an affair not to
remember. What the organizers really need to work on is stacking
lines parallel to each of the dozens of rib vendors so that the
waiting lines don't restrict the already overcrowded walking
lanes.
Bailing out early, we returned to the Atlantis,
and partook of the pool again. The water was cool, the low
humidity made you feel even cooler when you came out of the water,
and the poolside cocktail service made us quickly forget how hot
we'd been at the BBQ festival.
After recovering, we set out to explore a
Halloween store we'd seen during our driving tours. We bought a
couple of fake body parts to stuff in our luggage just to
challenge the airport security guards' X-ray machines.
We ate at a very fine Italian restaurant and
lounge that night, although they fooled us with their Happy Hour
offer because they'd left the poster up during the weekend when
the offer was only during the week. We had the best red wine, the
best filet mignon, and the best angelhair capellini we'd ever
encountered at an appropriately high price. We ate the leftovers
in the room that night without the benefit of silverware. I guess
I should say we ate like dogs.
Sunday
We awoke to the alarm (yes, we at least had an
alarm clock!) at 3am... I said 3am. I
figured a gambling casino that is open 24 hours would have a
restaurant or snack bar so I could get coffee since we didn't get
a coffer maker in our room. Nope. Finally found a 24-hour bar that
sold me expensive crappy coffee.
We headed towards the airport, knowing that we
had to check in "at least two hours in advance" for our 6:30am
flight out. I'm still trying to remember why I thought a 6:30am
flight was a good idea. The only choice of open restaurants
in a town we expected to be 24/7... Dennys. We had the worst
service we can ever remember: dry toast, barely buttered, no
napkins, no silverware, and coffee that tasted like burnt popcorn.
Our flight from Reno to Denver was our worst
sardine flight ever. Who would believe that there were that many
other people who must have foolishly thought like me that a 6:30am
flight sounded like a good idea. There's a reason they call them
Airbuses... because they are buses.
We arrived in Denver. Thank God for booze and
food on a 2 hour layover.
Upon reaching Ft. Myers on schedule, we learned
at the last moment that it was storming on the ground, which kept
us circling in a holding pattern for another half hour. After
landing, deplaning, and finding our car (yes, we actually managed
to keep our parking slip so we knew where our car might be), we
drove home through the remnants of the storm, being reminded at
all times of how damned humid South Florida is. Especially in late
summer.
Oh, and our house still smells like bug bombs.
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