EATING MY WAY THROUGH 25 COUNTRIES

For our 25th wedding anniversary we decided, in advance, to attend for the first time, the annual Food And Wine Festival at Disney's Epcot. We had been visiting, for the previous year and a half, the various vineyards and wineries of Florida, so we figured we culminate this by finishing with what seemed like the ultimate experience... something we had developed an intense liking for: pairing food with wine. We'd heard that Epcot, during their month-long festival, offered, at a minimal additional cost, appetizers and beverages for each of their represented countries.

Yeah, well, it wasn't quite so simple... 

Booking our stay over a year in advance of the event, we'd figure that we'd get at least a slight discount or advantage of some sort... not a chance. We discovered, on checking in, that our room rates were the same as if we'd walked in off the street (fat chance). Our "standard view room" actually meant a minimal view of the "park-and-walk" check-in facade at the front door... a long shot from anything even resembling the "Beach Club Resort" dreaminess that we had anticipated. Although in retrospect, a beach view would have only been slightly better since the artificial lake had an artificial beach which, although could be walked on, you could not swim in, supposedly because you might not recover from whatever water-borne maladies that had been collecting in the man-made pool for all these years.  

At over $300 a night, we'd anticipated many an amenity. Considering that we were driving from what might be considered Florida's Taj Mahal, Naples, where an absolute top-ranked room at a top-ranked hotel (Ritz Carlton) goes for $500 a night which includes every possible legal amenity you could imagine, we highly expected this encounter to be top-notch since it was costing us over twice what we had EVER paid for a room. 

We were dumb-asses. 

This time we actually made up a minimal list of expected amenities before we left. Here's how it turned out: 

What we expected:	What we got:
Writing materials	None, unless you count the back of many various promo brochures left in the room.
Free Wi-Fi	No Wi-Fi and $10-per-24 hours to just hook in... even Holiday Inns give you more, please.
Mini Fridge and Microwave	Fridge only, stocking it meant choosing from a limited (read: “extra cost”) list.
Daily Newspaper	No chance.
Basket of Toiletries	No basket, otherwise I would have taken it.
Spacious bathroom with multi-headed massaging surround shower stall	Motel 6 has larger bathrooms. Just a standard tub with a single shower head.
Complimentary Hors d’oeuvres	Not even a munch on Mickey's ear, (whatever that means.)
Ice Machine on the same floor	Ours, which was cleverly hidden on our floor behind powered-louvered doors, wasn't working. We had to take an elevator or stairs down to the lower level for ice. I've walked less at sleaze-bag motels.
Thick soundproof walls	Every person walking by our room could be heard, especially at 11:30pm when the pool closed. Now that sounded like a great idea at first, a perk; most pools close at dark. But when the apparent stampede of kids stormed by at almost midnight we wondered if a silent alarm fire had started.
Park Admission	Who are we kidding? Just because we chose a place within walking distance to Epcot so we wouldn't have to worry about driving while impaired, does that mean we'd get into the park for no additional cost? Please.
Free Disney Channel	No way, not even free HBO. But plenty of Disney-infomercial channels, including limited versions of Disney Cartoons to keep the kids mesmerized while mom and dad sucked down many a cocktail to try to forget how much the room was costing them.

"I'm Grumpy Because You're Dopey"


But, enough about our first night, now on to our day at the ... 


continued in next column...

continued from last column...
 

Australia was next, and with Shrimp On The Barbie matched with a Riesling, how could we turn that down? Well, we should have... the shrimp was OK, but the Riesling might have been the worst so far. And it started raining. 

Morocco offered Kefta, Bastilla and Walnut Baklava. We had no clue what the first two were so we went for the Baklava and a Mint Iced Tea. Good choice. 

Oklahoma (this is a country or region?) offered one of the tastiest morsels we'd had all day: Seared Buffalo with Scalloped Wild Onions. It was super tender, and melted in our mouths. 

We'd been anticipating France. Their offerings were great: Escargot Persillade en Brioche, Quiche au Fromage de Chevre, and Coupe de Sorbets: Champagne, Framboise & Chocolat Blanc. It's a good thing I picked up the brochure because I could never pronounce all that, let alone spell it! We went for the Quiche and some Bordeaux Rouge wine. Very tasty combination. If you have time, try several items from the France booth. 

With it still raining slightly, we had completed our two-thirds of the lake and headed back to the resort over the bridge near France. We were on schedule and had time to wash, change and be ready for our three-o'clock Tea. The event was odd but relatively neutral. Stephen Twinings, bless his heart, ground on for an hour with his boring slide show describing maybe three different teas. People were actually falling asleep in their chairs and on the tables. After the talk, we gathered at the round tables for our tea. The wait staff (sorry, Cast Members) could have been a lot more efficient, but we finally were served our teas and various tidbits. Quality was very good. We each got a sample box of Twinings tea and a Twinings tea cup and saucer. I was supposed to take the cup and saucer, right? 

Back to our overly-expensive room to change back into Food & Wine Festival garb and we were on our way. Picking up where we left off, it was on to England. Having just left the Twinings Afternoon Tea, our first stop was at the Twinings' sponsored Tea On Ice booth. We went for an herbal Honeybush, Mandarin & Orange brew... very tasty. We considered trying the Rose & Crown, but it was way too crowded and loud. England's main booth was Great Beers Of The World. I don't know... with three beer booths of similar nature you'd figure at least one of them would seem interesting. 

On to New Zealand. By this time it was raining very heavy. We were the last to place our order before they had to temporarily shutdown. We had a Lamb Slider, which was a tiny lamb burger in a tiny bun, plus a blended wine, Cabernet Sauvignon-Merlot. The rain instantly soggied the burger buns and further diluted the wine. It was miserable. With most of the booths shut down for the weather we could only wander in the rain and read the menu boards. 

Canada offered mostly entrees with Maple Syrup. We couldn't think of any wine that went well with Maple Syrup, so we wrote that one off. 

Greece offered Greek Salad, Spanakopita, and Karydopita. Opting for something we could pronounce, we actually had an excellent small Greek Salad along with a Boutari Moschofilero white wine. (No, I couldn't pronounce it either, but it was the suggested pairing for the Greek Salad, so we just nodded our agreement) 

Peru offered Shrimp Escabeche, Lucuma Mousse with Alfajores Cookie, and Arroz con Pato. We went with the last one, which was Duck and Rice. I noticed that we didn't see any Donald character in the area. We tried Inca Kola expecting a dark, rich cola drink... nope. Clear yellow with a weak taste somewhere between Mountain Dew and Vanilla. Weird. 

The Dominican Republic offered Coconut Flan, Pastelon de Platanos Amarillos, and Mofungo (which just sounded nasty). We went with the Plananos (plantains) which were cooked lasagna-style with cheese on top. Not bad but nothing special. We finished it off with an equally un-special Presidente Beer. 

Completing our spin all the way around the lake, we returned to the Champagne booth for a final toast before departing the Food & Wine Festival. There had been a shift change with the Cast Members. Now granted, the four different Champagnes being offered were similar, but when the menu board and your drink coupon both agree, then you should be able to get the one you paid for. We had to point out and touch the bottle of the one we wanted three times before the guy poured the right one into a glass for us. 

We'd originally planned to stay three nights but decided to cut it short a night due to the high cost and low value we were receiving with our room. Seriously, folks, other than an occasional Disney costume character in the lobby, there was nothing different about the room experience that you wouldn't get at a sub-$100 a night hotel chain. 

"We have no obligation to make history. We have no obligation to make art. We have no obligation to make a statement. To make money is our only obligation."
Michael Eisner, CEO, Walt Disney Company, 1984-2005 

I guess Mr. Eisner perfected the mouse trap.