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An Officer and a Gentleman (1982) What The Hell Is It About Anyway? - Richard Gere is a Naval Aviation Officer Candidate hoping to get into flight school. He meets a local factory worker, Debra Winger, and they fall in love. Why It’s a Chick Flick - Mostly because of the ending, which made my nuts shrink to the size of two Raisinettes... which, by the way, are a delicious movie treat. Who We’d Like To Nail - Debra Winger. Nobody plays the sexy “regular” girl better than her. Remember her in “Urban Cowboy” as Sissy? Prancing around in those slinky little halter-tops, sucking on longneck beers... oh yeah, Debra Winger definitely is a nasty little local girl. Her sex scene here with Gere is pretty hot, which brings me to a point I want to make. I know you women love Richard Gere, even the current gray-haired version. But, have you ever noticed how he chews on a woman’s face during make-out scenes? What’s up with that? I can’t decide if he’s kissing her or eating an apple. Why We Won’t Barf - There’s a lot of great scenes between the tough drill sergeant, (Lou Gossett) and Gere, including one helluva good fight. The cuss words fly. The movie shows plenty of military training scenes. Believe me, there’s plenty to keep us interested until Debra Winger straddles her man and takes us to Trashy Trailer Park Land. When Richard Gere “liberates” Winger from the bonds of her blue-collar nightmare and carries her through the factory with her co-workers applauding, I can feel the popcorn coming back up for a second chew... but it somehow stays down. |
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Flashdance (1983) What The Hell Is It About Anyway? - Jennifer Beals is a welder by day and a dancer by night, who dreams of being a ballet star. She and her friends dance at night wearing expensive costumes in a working-class bar that features Vegas-style lighting. Yeah, I know... none of it is believable but the chicks all look righteous. Why It’s a Chick Flick - Because of it’s dreams-can-come-true storyline and the soundtrack, though I do love “Maniac.” Who We’d Like To Nail - Are you kidding? Jennifer Beals, for God’s sake. Her and that ripped sweatshirt... Remember that scene where she nonchalantly removes her bra from underneath that ripped sweatshirt, all the while acting like she doesn’t realize her boss is practically having a coronary? Yeah, make no mistake about it; Jennifer Beals is a Goddess at the Wasted Wits compound. Why We Won’t Barf - Maybe some guys will, but I didn’t. Watching Jennifer Beals for an entire movie is reason enough for me to stave off a gastric refund. |
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Sleepless In Seattle (1993)
What The Hell Is It About Anyway? – Two people (Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks) who fall in love from opposite sides of the country, through the medium of a radio program. Ryan is already engaged and Hanks is a widower with a young son who, one night, calls a radio show appealing to the host, hoping that the “right woman” will hear it and make his Dad happy. Why It’s a Chick Flick - For one thing it’s romantic as hell. Remember that study awhile back, showing that guys think of female body parts during masturbation? And remember it said that women think of romantic scenarios? Well, this movie is one giant romantic scenario and if you watch this movie with your date and STILL can’t get laid afterwards, then you’re gay. Who We’d Like To Nail - Puhleeese. Meg Ryan, of course. She’s sweet, she’s funny, and she’s beautiful. But not too beautiful... somehow, she’s just average enough to somehow be possible. Do I sound as ridiculous as I think I do? Why We Won’t Barf - By the time the movie shows you those twinkling lights of New York City, the gag reflex that’s been harassing you the whole film will just disappear and the warm and gentle sweetness of the movie will flow over you like warm honey. I know I sound like a pussy but I don’t care. Even guys like happy endings and this one is better than most. Besides, Tom Hanks was in “Saving Private Ryan,” a darned good war movie. So, kiss my ass. |
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As Good As It Gets (1997)
What The Hell Is It About Anyway? – A grumpy, older, obsessive-compulsive (Jack Nicholson), finds love, sort of, with a much younger waitress (Helen Hunt). Meanwhile, Simon The Fag (Greg Kinnear)--Nicholson’s name for him, not mine-—is somehow the glue that holds them, and the movie, together. Why It’s a Chick Flick - This is another borderline one. I don’t think Jack Nicholson could ever make a pure chick flick. However, the romantic theme of the movie does indeed qualify this one as a chick flick. Actually, in an odd twist, this movie may make a few of you women barf... isn’t it a bit creepy to see an older guy like Nicholson slobbering all over Helen Hunt? I couldn’t quite believe the whole romance thing between them. But hey, he IS Jack Nicholson. Maybe Hunt was closing her eyes, imagining the Jack in “Five Easy Pieces.” Who We’d Like To Nail - Helen Hunt. But, we’d rather nail the Helen Hunt from “Twister.” Here, she looks fine but they have her looking tired and worn throughout the movie... appropriate for her character though. The scene of her sitting on the tub, nude, while Simon sketches her, is a sexy one, even if it reveals her to be a bit of a “fag hag”. Why We Won’t Barf - Jack Nicholson, of course. Even with O/C Disorder, he’s the man. He has some great lines, too. Consider this rant at Simon the gay guy: “Never, never, interrupt me, okay? Not if there's a fire, not even if you hear the sound of a thud from my home and one week later there's a smell coming from there that can only be a decaying human body and you have to hold a hanky to your face because the stench is so thick that you think you're going to faint. Even then, don't come knocking. Or, if it's election night, and you're excited and you wanna celebrate because some fudgepacker that you date has been elected the first queer president of the United States and he's going to have you down to Camp David, and you want someone to share the moment with. Even then, don't knock. Not on this door. Not for ANY reason. Do you get me, sweetheart?” Like I said... Nicholson is the man. |
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You’ve Got Mail (1998) What The Hell Is It About Anyway? – Tom Hanks is the head of a giant bookstore chain that threatens to run Meg Ryan’s local children’s bookstore out of business. The catch: they “meet” in an AOL chat room and discover an instant attraction... but hate each other in their real lives. Can you guess the rest? That’s right! They eventually discover the other’s online identity and fall in love anyway. Ain’t life wonderful in Chick Flick Land? Why It’s a Chick Flick - Meg Ryan’s romantic fantasies. New York City and it’s propensity to make two young people fall in love... or get mugged trying. Mainly though, it’s a chick flick because Meg Ryan is in it. Who We’d Like To Nail - Well, it’s not Jean Stapleton, though at one time during All In The Family’s heyday on an extremely lonely night... Though she appears almost waif-like here, Meg Ryan is still our most desirable. We can’t help it... its Meg Ryan, dammit. Why We Won’t Barf - Tom Hanks (remember, he was in that great war movie, Saving Private Ryan?). Plus, I’ve never even ONCE barfed during a movie that’s set in New York City. It just seems like the kind of town where a man can find a really good time... not to mention, a damned fine prosthesis. |
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The Truth About Cats and Dogs (1996)
What The Hell Is It About Anyway? – Janeane Garofalo is a successful veterinarian & radio show host with low self-esteem who asks her model friend (Uma Thurman) to impersonate her in a meeting with a male admirer. Why It’s a Chick Flick - It deals with “issues.” Oh how guys love that word. Issues like how women feel about themselves and their ideas about what a man really wants (ladies, here’s a news bulletin that may save you a lot of time and trouble: what a man really wants is a fun romp in the sack, a sandwich, and then some peace and quiet). Unfortunately, the male admirer here is dumb as a post and gets thoroughly worked by the two women. Sorry ladies, but we just ain’t that dumb. Okay, maybe we are. Who We’d Like To Nail - Uma Thurman would be the obvious choice but I think Janeane Garofalo is more appealing here. She’s smart, funny and can hold an intelligent conversation. Okay... sure, we’d like to nail Uma Thurman, yeah, but Janeane Garofalo would make a more fun girlfriend. So, to sum up: Nail Uma... date Janeane... and then, eventually, nail her, too. Why We Won’t Barf - Okay, I’ll admit, I barfed inside my mouth during a few scenes, but the puke never actually hit the air. There is a very sexy phone-sex scene in the movie that really got my attention and showed the possibilities in the medium. In the final analysis, Janeane Garofalo, the tattooed, radically liberal comic actress, is just so doggone cute that I’ve seen the flick several times. Besides, I love just about any movie with the word “dogs” in the title. |
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Terms Of Endearment (1983)
What The Hell Is It About Anyway? – A bittersweet film about the relationship between a mother (Shirley MacLaine) and daughter (Debra Winger). SPOILER ALERT- Get out your hankies because Debra Winger will not survive till the final credits. Why It’s a Chick Flick - Oh, so many reasons. For one, it explores that push and pull thing that mothers and daughters seem to have all too frequently. I’ve never understood it, but I understand very few things when it comes to women. Also, Debra Winger croaks and leaves cute little kids behind without their mother. The movie also seems to take a particular delight in portraying men as a weak species, more interested in our fleshly desires than in meeting our responsibilities. We all know that’s not true. Who We’d Like To Nail - Debra Winger. Like we’ve often stated, nobody plays the “hot girl next door” better than she. The fact that she dies makes no difference, for she is as attractive in death as she was in life. Is that wrong? Why We Won’t Barf - Jack Nicholson, as a devilish former astronaut, brings a little humor and balance to the movie. That great scene driving along the beach in the Corvette makes it worth watching; that, and watching him melt the icicles off Shirley MacLaine. |
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Something’s Gotta Give (2003) What The Hell Is It About Anyway? – An older rich music executive (Jack Nicholson) romances a girl (Amanda Peet) less than half his age and winds up boinking her mother (Diane Keaton). Why It’s a Chick Flick - The screenplay bounces around issues (there’s that word again) like ageism, sexism... hell, just take our word for it. It IS a chick flick. Who We’d Like To Nail - Amanda Peet is very hot-looking in this movie. Of course, she always looks hot but her close proximity to Diane Keaton doesn’t hurt either. What’s interesting is that by the end of the movie, Keaton is looking pretty hot too... and even cock-blocks her own daughter! Frances McDormand is also looking kind of hot. Okay, let’s just say we’d like to nail everyone in the movie but Jack Nicholson... and Keanu Reeves. Why We Won’t Barf - What can we say? Jack makes it all worthwhile again. He’s very funny in this one and is even willing to show his ass a few times, which is pretty brave at his age. Watching Nicholson trying to turn the corner from young chicks to women his own age is hilarious... and not a little disturbing. |
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Sex and The City (2008) (Sex And The City’s inclusion here is strictly intended as a public service for men.) What The Hell Is It About Anyway? – If you have an ounce of estrogen in you, you already know what it’s about. If not, then you won’t care anyway. Why It’s a Chick Flick - It... just... is. Who We’d Like To Nail - All of them... even Miranda. Why We Won’t Barf - You will spew, believe me. But, go ahead and bite the bullet, take your girl to see this movie and bring a barf bag. If not, and you’d rather spend Saturday night alone with a towel and a bottle of lotion, that’s your business. |
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Must Love Dogs (2005) What The Hell Is It About Anyway? – A forty-something preschool teacher (Diane Lane) looks to the personal ads for a relationship. Why It’s a Chick Flick - Romance... the quest for love... the usual. Just take a peek at the title. This ain’t no Sylvester Stallone flick. Who We’d Like To Nail - The lovely Diane Lane. Ever since we saw her in Unfaithful (a movie that scared the bejeesus out of every man on the planet, inspiring guys to stop on the way home from work the next day to buy their girl roses, candy, jewelry... whatever she wants), she’s been very high on the radar screen at Wasted Wits. Why We Won’t Barf - Boat-builder, John Cusack brings hope to goofy-looking guys everywhere by nailing Diane Lane. Plus, it has the word, “dogs” in the title. |
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